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Soultaker Review
“Joe Bob Briggs Goes to the Drive-In”

Speaking of acid trips, “Soultaker’ just came out, starring the Sheen you always forget about—Joe Estevez, brother of Martin Sheen, uncle of Charlie Sheen and Emilio Estevez—as an Angel of Death who skulks around Mobile, Alabama, in a black trenchcoat, sucking the souls out of dead people and taking em up to heaven in a little box. Unfortunately, he screws up when five teenagers are SUPPOSED to die in a car crash, but their souls get separated from their bodies, and so the souls are wandering around the countryside, trying to call the police, while the bodies are hooked up to life-support at Mobile General.

Robert Z’dar, best known as the original Maniac Cop, comes down from heaven to tell Joe Estevez that he’d better get his hiney in gear and track down those souls and send ’em up to heaven, or else Joe is gonna be in a little collision himself. So the rest of the movie is spent watching this Jason-From-Outer-Space hunt down the little yuppie scum one by one while they go around invisible to everyone except us saying things like “Why won't you HELP us?”

If they can get to their bodies in time, do some heart massage, and CAPTURE THOSE SOULS, then maybe . . . aw, I can’t explain it.

In other words, this is the drive-in “Ghost.”

No breasts. Five dead bodies. Green soul-sucking. Golf club to the noggin. One motor vehicle smash-up. The ultimate CPR. Two roof plunges. Shotgun Fu. Spirit Fu. Drive-In Academy Award nominations for Vivian Schilling, as Natalie, who wrote the screenplay so she could get a job in a movie; Robert Z’dar, as the ultimate head honcho angel, for saying “You must restore the balance or pay the penalty;” Joe Estevez, for falling in love with Natalie, even though he’s a ghost and she’s a human, and for saying “You can’t kill a man who’s already dead;” Gregg Thomsen, as Zach, for figuring out the plot so we can all understand it; and David Shark, as Brad the dead coke dealer, for saying “Led Zeppelin was wrong, man. There IS no stairway to heaven.”

And a special commendation to Michael Rissi, the director, who made this baby for $300,000 (El Cheapo Grande).

Four stars.

Joe Bob says check it out.


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